...and less days like these.

I picked up this "How I Am Feeling" kit thingy yesterday. It comes with a magnet board and a ton of different words to describe how i'm feeling. I guess it's sort of like self-therapy. Yesterday the board had all kinds of happy and loving words on it. Today, not so much. Kota's at his dads and I always worry that he'll decide to not give him back. It makes me nervous and worried. But I always get him back at the end of the day. I like days that I have all to myself, but i'd always much rather have my babycakes with me! ♥
So these are my "feelings" on the board today:

In an hour or so i'm going to lunch and a movie with some friends to get my mind off things. And make time go by faster. The faster my little boy is back home, the happier i'll be!

I'll probably do a little shopping for Alex too. :-)

I need more days like today...

The past few days have been so stressful for me. I really don't even want to get into it on here. But last night I finally broke down and cried. Hard. A lot. I finally fell asleep and this morning things didn't seem so bad. I felt a lot better. Today was a new day, and I had to make it a good one! So I decided to take Kota to the beach! It was the first time either of us had been to the beach this year. It's been storming all week, so the water was kind of nasty looking. But it felt good outside and the water wasn't as cold as I thought it would be!

The beach was pretty much empty! It was nice to walk up and down the beach in the water, just me and my babycakes. ♥ It was relaxing! When we got home we had lunch and then Kota took a nap. When he got up he helped me do laundry (in his own crazy toddler way lol) and then we played outside. Now he's out spending some time with his aunt and grandma. I'll probably get dinner made and enjoy some "mommy alone time". :-)

I need a break.

I think i'm going to take the whole week off of school this week. It was just going to be today, but i'm so stressed out. It's finals week, and that means i'll miss both classes tests. I went over my allowed "absent" hours, so that withdrew me from one class. I don't get a failing grade, I just don't get any grade at all and I have to re-take it. In the other class I have an A as a grade, and by missing the final it will bring me down to a B, possibly C, but I wont have to retake it.

The whole situation with my ex (Alex's dad) is just really stressing me out. He's moving out this Thursday when his mom comes to get him. I wish he could just leave now, but he has no where to go and i'm too much of a softy to make him stay on the streets. But he's really pushing it. He told me last night that he's already made plans to take Alex to TN to visit his family a few months after he's born. I told him he was out of his damn mind if he thinks i'm going to let him take my baby to another state!
Plus he assumes that i'm going to let him take Alex every weekend to his mom's house where they're compulsive chain smokers and pot smokers (IN THE HOUSE!!!). His family does nothing but argue and yell at each other. There's no way in hell i'm letting my baby boy go over there! I told him that if he wants to visit Alex then he's more than welcome to do so IN MY HOUSE. He said that his mom is already buying a crib and getting a room ready just for Alex. She shouldn't waste her money since there is no way in hell he's going over there. His whole family is psycho, and now i'm starting to see that he is too.
When he was packing his things, he said he's taking all of Alex's clothes with him because that's where Alex will be most of the time (with him). He didn't even buy 90% of the clothes Alex has! I & my parents bought it all! Why would I let him take all the stuff that he doesn't even own?!
Not even counting the fact that I plan on breastfeeding this child. You just can't pack up a newborn and decide to take a road trip every few days (his mom, and now him, live in a city about an hour/hour and a half away). There's no way I could pump enough milk to last that long anyway. And I refuse to suppliment with formula (nothing wrong with formula, Kota was a Similac baby and he's a happy healthy smartypants kid!).

This whole situation is just getting to me. I still have to schedule my c-section and i'm undecided on if I want Alex's dad to be there or not. I know I don't want his family anywhere near me. I guess i'll just let him come in for the surgery, sign the birth certificate, and then he's got to go.

So thats why i'm taking a week off school. I just need to do a lot of thinking about how this is all going to happen and what I want done. I have 2 months till the birth of my little boy. I didn't think it'd be this stressful!


On a happier note:
Over the weekend I took Kota to the 'Touch A Truck' event at a local park. He loves firetrucks, so the oppertunity to actually be on one almost made him explode!

 

There were all kinds of other big trucks there too, and police vehicles, and an ambulance. But the highlight of his day was definitly the firetruck! Seeing how happy he was made me happy. :-)

Single momma's unite!

So i'm officially a single mommy  now. For months i've been telling my boyfriend (Alex's dad) that things aren't working between us. But being the psycho delusional guy he is, he would never listen to me. So today, again, I sat him down and told him I was unhappy and that things weren't working between us. So he simply said "Ok, i'll move out this weekend". He came home after work today, got his shit, and left. Easy as that. I was kind of taken back at how easy it was for him to just leave. He was nothing but a bum who mooched off me and my parents anyway. He moved into my house without being asked and never paid a single bill. He had me and my parents paying for everything for him, even though he was working fulltime. I've had enough. I'm glad he's gone. It's just strange being here by myself. Well, just me and my little boy.
I think tomorrow i'm going to go to my first movie by myself. I've never been to the movie theater alone. But I really REALLY want to see Sucker Punch! No one else wants to see it, so fuck it, i'll go by myself!

And now you all my bask in the glory of my giant preggo belly:

Coastal Scents 88 palette & day with my babycakes ♥

Kota's dad wasn't available to watch him while I was in class today; so I took the day off. I planned on taking him to the beach for a little while, but we accidentally slept in! Kota got up at 7 and made himself comfortable again in my bed, and we ended up sleeping untill 11! It was nice. ♥ Instead of the beach, we went to my mom's house to visit her and now my babycakes is napping on my bed next to me. :-) I love lazy days like these. I need more of them...

I finally got my Coastal Scents 88 palette after ordering it about 3 weeks ago! Although I think shipping was a little slow, I have nothing but good things to say about this palette!!! The colors are so vivid and pigmented!

Yesterday I used the palette to do a pretty neutral look. Kind of a tan/mauve smokey look. I put my makeup on before class and about 7 hours later, it still looked like I had just done it! They staying power is impressive! The colors you see in the picture will look the same when you put them on your eyes. I just can't get over how pigmented these shadows are! And they go on so smooth! I usually wet my eyeshadow brush to make shadows creamier and brighter. I didn't have to do that with these colors!

I'm sure i'm like, the last person in the world to get this palette. But thats okay. I'm happy I finally have it. I don't think i'll have to buy any more shadows for a while! If you don't already own a Coastal Scents palette, get one ASAP!!!

Back to the park!

I took Kota back to the park this afternoon. I'm so glad that I did because I got some wonderful pics of him!! The following 3 are my favorites from this afternoon. I think tomorrow i'm going to go have them printed out and framed. I'll get some copies made for Kota's dad and a few other family members too. :-)

Look at those beautiful blue eyes!! ♥




He doesn't really know how to ride the tricycle. Atleast not foreward, haha! He can peddle it backwards, but can't get the hang of going forewards!! He pushes it like a scooter. He was worn out when I got him home. He had dinner, a snack, a bath and then passed out! I really need to take him to the park more often. He's so happy when we go. He really likes playing in the leaves!

For Maddie ♥

In memory of Kellie & James' little girl Maddie, I took Kota to play outside at the park yesterday and enjoy the fresh air. Go figure, that once we got there, I realized I forgot my camera. I got a cute pic of him with my cellphone though! He was running across the board walk to the play area.

 We didn't stay long. I had to get to class and Kota had to go to his dad's house. I really need to start taking him to the park more. He loves it. I don't know why we don't go more often, it's right around the corner from my house! I can't wait till the water in the hose is warmer so he can play in the sprinkler. The weather feels nice, but the water in the hose is still ice cold!!